I was that scared, broken, little girl who is now fully free! 100% BRAVE!

little-girl-sad-500The enemy doesn’t wait until you are an adult to start messing in your life. He will plant seeds in your life at an early age that in later years he will try to use to destroy you.

When we are in CHRIST, and He is in us, than He is the one who makes us an overcomer and HIS truth filled blood washes over us and we are FREE, 100%, from all those pesky seeds of pain in our life that the evil one tried to use to destroy a CHILD of GOD.

My childhood was filled with years of hidden secrets, shame, and pain that the enemy used to practically destroy me. I was abused for 8 secretive years. I hid behind the abuse and kept it a secret. When I came of the age 13 it was than that I finally realized what was happening to me was wrong and I went further into a pit. I than began to try to cover it up, again, and did all sorts of things and made all sorts of choices to run from those years of abuse. The enemy told me, constantly, that I was deserving of this abuse and that it was my fault. These were heaped upon years of LIES!! All were lies the enemy used to try and destroy my life.

In college I began to drink to hide behind all that shame of abuse. I even tried to commit suicide but satan didn’t succeed, as GOD had other plans. I hated myself more than anyone could even imagine but God was there and He had a plan.

One night, I was than sitting, stranded, in a blizzard and almost died when I surrendered my life to Jesus. He cleansed me from all unrighteousness. His angels greatly rejoiced but the enemy was totally pissed. The enemy didn’t want to stop trying to destroy my life and would continue on his rampage to get my life.

I married and there began another round of abuse that was physical, sexual, and emotional. From this experience I will say the most difficult was the emotional (mind) abuse to overcome. The things done to me behind these closed doors weren’t even mentionable to those outside my walls. I hid right within the church body now pretending all was ok. These horrors that happened were further shoved down into my pit and I started to believe the lies of the enemy. I surrendered to the abuse until a friend reached out to me in my pain, that she could see, and rescued me from a very destructive night of hell that almost ended my life, again. This marriage ended as GOD reached down and rescued me from sudden death ~ PRAISE HIM! He still had a plan.

The emptiness surrounded me and I just floated through life completely numb. I surrendered to total rejection. I put on a good front to others around me but I was completely dying inside. God, however, still had a plan.

I ended up reaching out to find another relationship and was now found to be with child. I was cursed at, abandoned, shunned, and thrown into more shame and guilt from the enemy and even from those within the church body. Nobody met me at my well. Nobody told me about TRUE forgiveness but only showed greater, self-righteous, judgment. I began to see GOD as just out to condemn those who had fallen and felt I had no plan of hope. I was being stoned to a slow death but GOD had a mighty plan.

I sat in the office of the abortion clinic ready to end the life of my firstborn when a lady walked through the lobby and I saw her sweet baby she was carrying. This baby represented LIFE, HOPE, and TRUTH! I knew I could not take the life of my own child and left the clinic in tears. My best friend, my now husband, walked out with me and we are both so thankful today, at HIS amazing timing, and that GOD saved us, and our child. You see God, indeed, had a plan.

After our child was born I started to realize the TRUTH of a GOD who really LOVES HIS CHILDREN, one who came not to judge but to SAVE us. He loved us so much, and sent HIS son to DIE for His children, to cover all SIN and set us completely free. No more judgement was God’s plan. No more shame!

My life has been transformed and forever changed and it truly started after the birth of my first child as my eyes were finally opened (was blind but now I see) to seeing who CHRIST fully was. I started to see the TRUTH of my JESUS!! He was not the JESUS that you had to perform perfection for, memorize so many scripture verses, or attend so many bible studies before you are able to come and find out who He truly was. HE was the JESUS who let the woman pour perfume from the Alabaster Jar upon HIS FEET. He was the Savior that met the woman at the well and set her free. He was the JESUS who took that abandoned man on the side of the road, paid for his healing when nobody else paid any attention to him, cleaned him up and loved him.

That is my JESUS!! I didn’t just walk into His arms – I RAN!!!

Today, I now not only walk in victory, but RUN IN FREEDOM!!! When the enemy tries to throw any, even the smallest seed, of my past to me I shout, “WHO ARE YOU TO COME AGAINST ME???” I immediately see his lies and the many forms they come in. See, I have been FULLY WASHED, not just in part, but in WHOLE! The truth is there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in CHRIST JESUS!!! The enemy, and some men, would like to keep you in pits but not my TRUE JESUS!! I openly share my victory and His truth with all my children, my sisters, with no shame, and I walk with HIS SPIRIT living in me. I know who the GREAT I AM is!! He truly lives out every promise in scripture in our life. He is EVERY THING we need!!

This is the victory I walk in today and the victory I share with women whose life seems hopeless. There is always HOPE for the hopeless. The enemy has no stronghold on my life anymore. As I said in a previous post, “Jesus is my strong HOLD!” Those who have been washed of much, truly love much, and understand JESUS to great depths.

I found out from first hand experience that the enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy and today he is even using people within the church to cause this destruction. We need to stand up against the arrows, the lies, with the SWORD of Truth. We need open eyes to see the lies for what they are and fill those in need with TRUTH!! HIS TRUTH gives freedom, not legalistic, self-righteous, or pride filled performances. JESUS BLOOD washed us fully, not in part, but in whole. If Jesus says you are free, you are FREE INDEED!!


I love you JESUS!!! Because you first loved me!!!


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